Last week, I posted my first of several posts I’d like to write as I participate in Under Armour’s What’s Beautiful Campaign. It was my time to let go of the scale, and it’s my goal to let it go for good.
Disclosure: This post and my participation in the What’s Beautiful Campaign is sponsored by Under Armour and FitFluential. The opinions expressed here, however, are my own.
I’m not one to take self portraits. Sometimes I do, but 90% of the time, I take them and delete them. Why, though?
Sometimes I give the excuse that I’m too modest.
But most of the time, I see the things most other people do not see, despite the fact that I’ve accepted that this is who I am.
(The more I think about that, the more I understand I’ve accepted who I am…but not quite what I look like. If that makes sense.)
Over the past week, though, I’ve worked on letting go of the thoughts that come with weight loss territory. You know, the ones where you critique every inch of your body. The ones where you look okay in clothes, but keep telling yourself that you should look better naked. The ones where you walk past the mirror and cringe at anything that remotely looks as though you’ve got a lump or bump in an area you “shouldn’t”. (And really? Who the hell ever told all of us where those lumps and bumps shouldn’t be? Oh, that’s right, photographers who use PHOTOSHOP to alter well-known, celebrity bodies have set the rules on what we “should” look like. Silly me. I forgot that we’re all supposed to be computer generated perfection. Oh boy…I’m digressing.)
I have been taking the time to start training my thoughts to move away from what I would typically think as I try to lose weight. Some people do wonders in weight loss mode. But me? It’s been something I’ve been trying to do for too long, and something isn’t working for me. Yes, I’ve dropped 70 pounds. But I’ve gained some back, lost it again, gained some back, and lost it again far too many times. Something isn’t working. I don’t want to critique myself through to maintenance. I don’t want to keep expecting that my body should be looking a certain way as I lose. (Read: I’m always expecting to see my waist tighten up and look a certain way, when instead, it looks the same, but smaller…if that makes sense.)
I’ve been so focused on what I “should” be looking like as I lose weight to not notice some of the fabulous things I’ve gained from the journey I’ve been on: no more tinnitus, lower blood pressure, no more headaches, looser clothing, stronger muscles, clearer skin, softer hair, more energy, better gum health, better digestion, better eyesight, better confidence (despite the critical thoughts) better moods, and…
my not-so-imperfect-after-all body.
So I’m going to do something I rarely do: post photos of myself. I’m not super toned…I’m not a lot of things…but I’m learning to love what I am.
My thighs touch. Big wooptie crap. These babies carry me miles.
They’re not “guns” yet…but they’re not too shabby either! (Do I see definition?)
This is me. Not my thinnest ever. But my healthiest. My strongest. My fastest.
(Sorry for the blurry photos.)
(Side note: That shirt? Totally couldn’t wear that in February!!!)
So instead of focusing on what I think my body “should” be looking like, I’m going to focus on that goal of mine and set small goals throughout the campaign. And that’s why I started Team Empower. To focus on goals that don’t require a scale, but will allow for a focus on changes made by strength and will.
To do my first unassisted pull-up.
To lift heavier weights.
To do a 5-minute plank.
To see improvements in my pace.
To see more definition in my legs and arms.
And screw that tight, taut, “perfect” midsection. That’ll come one day. Or maybe not. But I’m not going to miss out on all that I have gained, waiting for something that may never happen. It it does, great. If it doesn’t, then it doesn’t. For me, success is going to be how strong I become physically and how strong my will becomes.
And just as an update…I haven’t stepped on the scale. But I did take measurements for an initial set to compare to at the end of the campaign.
16.25″ down since February. (And psst…most of that came from my waist. WHAT!?!? See. Focus on the scale, and you miss out on what’s really going on behind the scenes.)
Happy Wednesday, friends.