First, I have to thank all of you who commented on Wednesday’s post regarding putting getting pregnant on hold. I have to be quite honest with you, it was really hard to hit publish on that post, because people can be so judgmental. However, you all reinforced my feelings on why I love this community we have so much. It’s not easy to say, “I don’t want to get pregnant right now, because I’m not feeling my healthiest.” It really isn’t. It’s hard to swallow your pride and sacrifice something you want so bad for time to make your health right. Saying something like that leaves me wide open and vulnerable to any person out there who’s ready to take a jab at someone admitting their weaknesses. It’s not typical of me to share such personal things when it comes to family, so it definitely made me nervous. However, I choose to be open about things like this not for attention, but because this blog is about me, my journey to health, and the one thing I want most out of this blog is to reach others who are feeling alone on the same journey. I felt alone in the beginning, and three years later, I find myself far from being alone.
So thank you for all of your kindness.
***
Today, I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind: a “moment”.
I know, vague much?
I’m talking about the moment when something happens that scares the ever-livin’ shit out of you. (How’s that for Southern? “Ever-livin.” Snort.) I’m talking about the moment when the doctor says, “you’ve got diabetes (or pre-diabetes)” or “you’re obese“. I’m talking about the moment when you’re walking up the stairs and can barely breathe and you fear for your life or the moment you find yourself suffering from a heart attack. (I know this sounds terribly morbid and as though this will be a downer of a post, but bear with me – I’m getting there.)
I thank God that I haven’t experienced one of those.
There are so many people out there, especially presently, that are forced to experience those moments. However, there are people out there, like me, who don’t happen to stumble upon those moments when you’re forced into making a decision – change or be changed.
I can’t imagine what that’s like.
I’ll be honest with you, though. I used to wish to have that moment.
Stupid, I know. Who wishes for that?
I would sit here thinking, “if I could only have that moment when I’m forced into changing my life, because I just can’t do this anymore”, and then I would move on. I would try to motivate myself into exercising more or eating healthier. I would get 10 minutes into a workout and walk away. I would run 30 seconds and walk away. I would skip breakfast and lunch and then binge from dinner until bedtime.
I don’t think I tried hard enough.
I still don’t think I try hard enough. (More on that in a second.)
Who wants to experience a moment when someone else tells you that you’re sick? Or that you’re beyond “overweight”? Or that you’re dying? All because of the way you choose to live your life. Who wishes that upon themselves? People who are desperate for help, that’s who.
(***Note: It’s really important that you understand I’m referring to these moments in regards to living an unhealthy lifestyle. Not to these moments in regards to uncontrollable health conditions. Huge difference. I’m not trying to offend anyone here.***)
Over the past year, even with the setbacks, I’ve learned that to never wish for a moment. They may not come…until it’s too late. I’ve learned that you can’t wish for a moment that you expect to force you into a changed person. You may not embrace it the way you think you will. So many of us wait around wishing for a moment that will hoist us into something better. What if it doesn’t get better? What if it gets worse? Why wait for a moment???
I decided one year ago that I wouldn’t wait around for a moment.
I have fought 20-something years of unhealthy eating, inactivity, and self-image hell. I had felt sorry for myself for as long as I can remember, and I still have days when I have to smack some sense into myself. I wanted weight loss and a “body-to-die-for” since I was 10 years old!!
I have two little girls for whom to set an example. I don’t wish a life of “if I could only have that moment when I’m forced into changing my life, because I just can’t do this anymore” on them. This is why I’ve done everything I can to start them off on the right foot. This is why I have my occasional pity parties in my bedroom, away from them. This is why I am trying to push myself harder to make the changes I need to make for me so that I can be there for them. I’m often times too hard on myself for the wrong reasons and not hard enough on myself for the right ones. I talk about proper nutrition, ample physical activity, and regular exercise, and yet, I have moments of weakness when I don’t make them a priority in my life.
That needs to stop.
I haven’t wished “a moment” on myself in a very long time, and I don’t plan to again anytime soon. I’m working to make changes now.
I don’t want to wait around for a moment – bad, good, whatever – to make the changes for me. Change or be changed, right?
And I’m working on that.
QOTD: Have you experienced “a moment”? If so, did you embrace it or ignore it?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I guess the only “moment” I had was actually when someone close to me passed away. He was very young and I just realized that life is short. Why waste it living it a way that makes me unhappy? I was overweight and eating total crap. 3 years later, I’m more of the person I want to be. Yes that person that was once there still lingers at times. But for the most part, I’ve taken steps to ensure that I am living life the way I want to.
P.S. I love your honesty. It makes you a better blogger and person, in my opinion. Being real is what it’s all about. Thanks for allowing for vulnerability.
Wow. You make an excellent, incredible point my friend. WHY do so many in this country wait for ‘that moment’ when someone tells me them some scary health news about their own physical health for them to FINALLY make a healthy change. Why? It’s hard work to change, in ALL facets of life, I totally get that. I do. It just frustrates me so much to see my own loved ones who literally get in their own way when it comes to their health, and have such a mental block about change. Not just health-related change but change as it relates to making personal improvements in their life — whether it be a new job, a move to a new city where they’d be happier, anything that requires proactivity and will enact change, basically. And I guess I don’t know the answer to that ‘why’ question, I guess I just wish I could help those loved ones get out of their own way, just like you’ve gotten out of your own way and are making good changes, step by step. It’s just so awesome to see. I’m damn proud of you. xoxo
You know what’s scarier? I think there are many people out there who have had that moment and *still* don’t make changes. I feel like by the time that moment comes, there’s a lot of built up hopelessness, self doubt, self hatred, and a feeling like the problem is too overwhelming to tackle. If doctors could be more about preventative lifestyle advice, rather than identifying and attempting to fix someone when they are already very, very unhealthy, that would be a great step.
Just as a follow-up, as a personal trainer, I have delivered many ‘moments’, and it’s never something a client doesn’t already know. The person has to be ready to embrace the changes they need to make, and sometimes there’s no rhyme or reason to what the final motivating factor may be. I do know that having to tell someone they are obese, does not necessarily translate into them being ready to do something about it. It’s the hardest kind of client to get, because you desperately want them to wake up and work for a healthy life, but you can tell vey quickly they’re not ready.
Love this post and that point – it is SO true. So MANY wait for that moment that FORCES them to change, that just-about-too-late (or worst, TOO LATE) moment, and then realize they HAVE to change. And realize they missed out on living for far too long already and now have to face change that is probably not a good change either. If that makes sense. It is sad that so many do this, I want to shake those I know that do this and help them SEE what they are doing to themselves, and how much life they are wasting. Love this post so much friend! you are so very wise!
Right now, I am in a moment that is forcing me to change – in that it is forcing me to face new life experiences. It’s not necessarily related to my physical health, but the divorce is making me grow in ways that I had not anticipated. Yes, it was the catalyst, but now I am becoming proactive in shaping the life that I want for myself – and that’s a good thing!
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