First, I have to thank all of you who commented on Wednesday’s post regarding putting getting pregnant on hold. I have to be quite honest with you, it was really hard to hit publish on that post, because people can be so judgmental. However, you all reinforced my feelings on why I love this community we have so much. It’s not easy to say, “I don’t want to get pregnant right now, because I’m not feeling my healthiest.” It really isn’t. It’s hard to swallow your pride and sacrifice something you want so bad for time to make your health right. Saying something like that leaves me wide open and vulnerable to any person out there who’s ready to take a jab at someone admitting their weaknesses. It’s not typical of me to share such personal things when it comes to family, so it definitely made me nervous. However, I choose to be open about things like this not for attention, but because this blog is about me, my journey to health, and the one thing I want most out of this blog is to reach others who are feeling alone on the same journey. I felt alone in the beginning, and three years later, I find myself far from being alone.
So thank you for all of your kindness.
Today, I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind: a “moment”.
I know, vague much?
I’m talking about the moment when something happens that scares the ever-livin’ shit out of you. (How’s that for Southern? “Ever-livin.” Snort.) I’m talking about the moment when the doctor says, “you’ve got diabetes (or pre-diabetes)” or “you’re obese“. I’m talking about the moment when you’re walking up the stairs and can barely breathe and you fear for your life or the moment you find yourself suffering from a heart attack. (I know this sounds terribly morbid and as though this will be a downer of a post, but bear with me – I’m getting there.)
I thank God that I haven’t experienced one of those.
There are so many people out there, especially presently, that are forced to experience those moments. However, there are people out there, like me, who don’t happen to stumble upon those moments when you’re forced into making a decision – change or be changed.
I can’t imagine what that’s like.
I’ll be honest with you, though. I used to wish to have that moment.
Stupid, I know. Who wishes for that?
I would sit here thinking, “if I could only have that moment when I’m forced into changing my life, because I just can’t do this anymore”, and then I would move on. I would try to motivate myself into exercising more or eating healthier. I would get 10 minutes into a workout and walk away. I would run 30 seconds and walk away. I would skip breakfast and lunch and then binge from dinner until bedtime.
I don’t think I tried hard enough.
I still don’t think I try hard enough. (More on that in a second.)
Who wants to experience a moment when someone else tells you that you’re sick? Or that you’re beyond “overweight”? Or that you’re dying? All because of the way you choose to live your life. Who wishes that upon themselves? People who are desperate for help, that’s who.
(***Note: It’s really important that you understand I’m referring to these moments in regards to living an unhealthy lifestyle. Not to these moments in regards to uncontrollable health conditions. Huge difference. I’m not trying to offend anyone here.***)
Over the past year, even with the setbacks, I’ve learned that to never wish for a moment. They may not come…until it’s too late. I’ve learned that you can’t wish for a moment that you expect to force you into a changed person. You may not embrace it the way you think you will. So many of us wait around wishing for a moment that will hoist us into something better. What if it doesn’t get better? What if it gets worse? Why wait for a moment???
I decided one year ago that I wouldn’t wait around for a moment.
I have fought 20-something years of unhealthy eating, inactivity, and self-image hell. I had felt sorry for myself for as long as I can remember, and I still have days when I have to smack some sense into myself. I wanted weight loss and a “body-to-die-for” since I was 10 years old!!
I have two little girls for whom to set an example. I don’t wish a life of “if I could only have that moment when I’m forced into changing my life, because I just can’t do this anymore” on them. This is why I’ve done everything I can to start them off on the right foot. This is why I have my occasional pity parties in my bedroom, away from them. This is why I am trying to push myself harder to make the changes I need to make for me so that I can be there for them. I’m often times too hard on myself for the wrong reasons and not hard enough on myself for the right ones. I talk about proper nutrition, ample physical activity, and regular exercise, and yet, I have moments of weakness when I don’t make them a priority in my life.
That needs to stop.
I haven’t wished “a moment” on myself in a very long time, and I don’t plan to again anytime soon. I’m working to make changes now.
I don’t want to wait around for a moment – bad, good, whatever – to make the changes for me. Change or be changed, right?
And I’m working on that.
QOTD: Have you experienced “a moment”? If so, did you embrace it or ignore it?