Something came over me yesterday.
…something very good. something calming.
I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m having a “moment of clarity”.
You see, I’ve been really busy lately with school, the kids, my house, and everything else I’m trying to get done these days…and my blogging is suffering. (I’m working on that.) However, there’s something else occuring in my life that seems to be flourishing:
My relationship with my husband continues to strengthen. He lifts me up and makes me laugh.
We’re spending more time together like taking walks in the park with the crazy Xenii,
having some delicious Mexican lunch together once in a while,
and watching movies together at night after the girls go to bed…on time.
On top of my marriage being absolutely, well, dare I say it, perfect, things seem to be falling into place for everything else in my life.
My sister’s not moving back to Massachusetts, thank God. My sisters and I will be close to each other again, allowing our kids to grow up together.
…there have been days where I’ve cried because I miss them so much. My sisters have been my best friends since birth. We carried each other through messes, through moves, through breakups and teen pregnancy. We’re there for each other, fights and all, come hell or high water. That is what sisterhood is all about.
On top of that, I think I’ve finally started to…
Yeah, ya heard me.
Here’s what I’ve discovered:
I think I’ve finally accepted my body as my body.
I took a look at myself in the mirror yesterday, getting ready for my husband’s first business dinner as a Systems Administrator. (He passed his probation! It’s official! I’m so proud of him!!) I didn’t see flaws. I saw me. I didn’t see “fat”. I saw healthy. I might have a few extra pounds on me, but I’ve accepted that my body is my body. I’m healthy.
…I can run miles.
…I can lift heavy weight.
…I laugh and smile.
…I’ve had two uneventful, healthy pregnancies, and I have the ability to lift them up…physically and emotionally.
I don’t want to list off everything and bore you, but you get the picture. There are things about me of which I’ve constantly been critical. I’ve come to accept that I will probably never have a flat, firm stomach now that I’ve carried two children. I might flatten out, but firm up? Doubt it, but that’s okay. I have life before my eyes.
I’m a runner. A super long distance runner? Nah. But a runner. Distance, as I’ve said and been told before, doesn’t make a runner a runner. I’m lucky. Anything I put my mind to, I am able to do.
I felt beautiful last night. Not because I was all dressed up. Not because I had makeup on.
I felt beautiful because I’m lucky to have the life that I have. I have experience. I have family. I have incredible friends. I have myself. I have intelligence. I have faith, hope, and I have confidence. I have self respect.
…and ever since I started accepting myself (something I wasn’t aware I had been doing)…
…the weight seems to be falling off again.